Elephant ears and zinnias. I didn't think the elephant ears were coming up, so I sowed zinnias in that container, and oops. Looks as though we have a mixed-media composition going on. We'll see how they all coexist this season. But I am glad the elephant-ear bulbs weren't duds after all --- I really wanted some big dramatic foliage on the patio. Now we'll have big dramatic foliage competing with flowers, but I don't say it as though that were a bad thing. It could be great. If any flower can hold its own, it is the marvelous, colorful, and resourceful zinnia, just about the most satisfying thing you can possibly grow from seed. If memory serves me, these are a dwarf variety, which I chose because I knew I'd be growing them in containers.
Another shot of the patio garden as it looks this morning, after an overnight rain:
The lettuce has pretty much gone to bolt by now. I think I'll let it flower and go to seed, and maybe reseed itself --- though I could also just get some impatiens to put in those planters, and that would be prettier. Here you see mostly the mints I have in pots: plain mint in the smaller terracotta-colored pot, peppermint in the bigger one behind it. I wanted to find some more mint varieties, but so far I haven't been able to track down anything interesting. I know there's orange mint out there, for example, that I would love to have for teas. And chocolate mint, which is just kind of fun. But around here the choices seem limited to things I already have. Spearmint, maybe --- I could probably find that, and would profit by planting it.
The glossy purplish plant is ajuga, a lovely ground cover (I do have some actually in the ground). It's already colonizing the planter next to it.
Here's the kitchen garden, with beets in the foreground ready to harvest:
There are supposed to be more in the planter next to this one, but so far they haven't come up much. I'll wait and see, but I do want to resow them, because we like beets.
I need to get out and weed some more in the kitchen garden today, but I also need to return to my essay habit. We'll see what wins out.
The high today is supposed to be 87F: quite warm. The sun should come out by late morning, which is good news, because I also need to do some house laundry, and I'd rather line-dry it than use the dryer. At any rate, I can dress cool and breezy and simple, which at this time of year I appreciate. It's nice to give my layers a rest, knowing that I'll be dying to see them again long before it's cool enough to wear them.
So I think perhaps I shall go and bathe and wash my hair, a thing I meant to do yesterday and then did not feel like doing, so I didn't. I probably should have, but oh well. I swabbed myself down with rubbing alcohol in strategic places, applied more Lume deodorant cream (Peony Rose scent this time, which is quite nice), and off I went, with my hair in a default ponytail. Again, the default ponytail seems far more successful at this time of year, when my hair is large and fairly curly, than in the winter when it's basically straight and blah. It's nice to take a break from what has become the default claw-clip updo (though I do also like that) and get some use out of my enormous stock of hair scrunchies.
I love a good hair scrunchie, and when I see a pack in pretty colors, I buy it. Ditto claw clips, for that matter, especially if they're the size that I can use for the half-updo that is really my default hairstyle. I bought some just the other day --- Kitsch, I think, was the brand. I bought them because they were small (so, good for this half-updo business), and kind of satisfyingly chunky in form (cute, but also sturdy), as well as being in a pretty array of coolish beige and brown tones, with a pink that's a paler shade of Cinnamon Rose. That was the selling point, that pair of blush-pink clips, though I will wear all the other shades with pleasure. Hair accessories are my one consistent impulse purchase, and I should be careful about that, although often enough when I'm in Walmart, which is where I generally make these impulse purchases, the hair section is very picked over, and I'm in no danger from whatever is left. Either I already have it, or I already know I don't want it.
Other things . . . still enjoying the first of the Mapp and Lucia series, a delightful read. Lucia and Georgie have both sold their houses in Riseholme and bought houses in Tilling, where they had meant only to spend August and September. Miss Mapp, who has ruled Tilling society, is marshaling the troops to put Lucia in her place. The manly men of Tilling are already sneering at Georgie and his costume-y clothes and his objets-d'art. Miss Mapp has tried to score one over Lucia by --- in Lucia's hearing --- calling Georgie by his Christian name and talking baby-talk to him, as Lucia does, to intimate that she has cultivated Georgie and taken him into her private circle. All this because she thought Lucia wasn't inviting her to her house-warming party, when ten seconds later, Lucia does deliver an invitation, and then Georgie has to explain to Lucia that in fact he has not encouraged that woman to call him Georgie and talk baby-talk to him. So it's war.
And so on. Anyway, it's fun, and a refreshing change of pace after Henry James's The Golden Bowl, which I finished last week. Just before finishing it, I read an interview with the English critic Matthew Lyons, in which he was asked to name the writer about whom he had most changed his opinion --- his answer was James. He described his first experience of reading The Golden Bowl (which is late James, which makes a difference) as a feeling of being suffocated by syntax, which fairly well articulates how I also feel about reading late Henry James. The Wings of the Dove has struck me in much the same way. You feel as though you're beating your way through thickets of interiority, trying to come out into the sunlight of an actual world where you can see what people are doing, but you never actually do come out into that sunlight, or at least you break through very rarely. All the action is happening in people's heads. James's fascination with thought, and discernment, and interior epiphany is in itself fascinating, but it's also hard going for the reader. So I'm relieved, for a change, to be spending time in Tilling with Lucia and Georgie and the adamantine Miss Mapp.
Now, three cups of coffee into my day, I'm going to wash my hair and get dressed.
SLIGHTLY LATER
Wearing today:
*Secondhand Wool& Sofia dress (S) in Purple Sage, bought April 2025, last worn May 5. Wears in 2025: 3
*Xero Jessie sandals, year 3 of wear
Maybe I'll wear some blue earrings, as a change from my Guadaupe-medal earrings . . . I have totally lost the plot with this Marian-blue business, but then I'm just . . . tired. I just want to put on clothes and wear them. so there.
Anyway, this dress. I am still on the fence about it. I want so much to love it. The medium size, which I tried a couple of years ago, made me feel hopelessly stodgy --- too much blousing in the bodice, weird fit around the armholes, and not enough fullness in the skirt to compensate (compare with the blousy fullness of the Fiona dress, which I adore and wear with confidence). This small fits better in the bodice, kind of. The armholes seem right, at any rate. I do like the tank design, and if it falls short in doing me favors, this is at least as much down to my not wearing a super-supportive bra as anything else, and that's just the way life is going to be.
The real issue, I think, is that there's not enough fabric in the skirt to flow over the parts of my body where I'd really love some flow. I would not wear this dress out to dinner, let's just put it that way. My body at its current size, I hasten to add, is objectively fine. I'm not really complaining about my body, though yes, I want to lose some belly fat, I want to build muscle, etc. etc. etc. But I feel a bit vulnerable in a dress that will highlight any bloating, and whose fabric is thin enough that even with a slip on, it's not really skimming over my mortal flesh with grace (and yeah, then the slip kind of bunches up . . . I probably need a slightly fuller, longer half-slip than the one I'm currently wearing, silk though it is).
So I dunno. I just consistently feel that this dress is not doing it for me --- but I love the color, and I love the idea of the style. On paper, at least, it is the perfect summer dress. Whether it turns out really to be the perfect summer dress for me remains to be seen. Right now, for me, it feels like a highly imperfect summer dress. A lot depends on whether the fabric relaxes more than it has. Even so . . .
Well, I'm going to wear this dress today, unless I get sick of it and change into something I know I love. But I am meditating a resale. I don't know why I'm deliberating so much, when I've outboxed other things without a second thought. I really think that this is not working for me, and it's just a matter of letting go of my (apparently irrational) desire for it to work . . .
Yeah, you know what?
If I'm not in love . . .
. . . then why am I wasting another day of my life on this relationship?
I think I've just made a decision. And I have summarily changed my clothes.
*Wool& Audrey dress (S) in Black Heather, bought November 2022, last worn May 3. Wears in 2025: 13.
Yeah, baby. THIS is love. Interestingly, it's also the same size dress. But in contrast to the Sofia, the Audrey does me big favors. I wouldn't actually mind a higher neckline --- a dress cut like this with a Sofia neckline would be a winner, in my view. But I do like this neckline, and I love the dress overall. The heavier fabric, a tencel-merino blend, is more forgiving, even when it fits fairly closely.
I feel so much better, I can't even tell you. Sadly, I'm going to have to acknowledge that the Sofia, which looks so beautiful on other people, is not the dress for me. I will wash her, line-dry her, and put her up for resale. I think it's the only thing to do.
This feels pretty stupid, I have to say. More of my secondhand purchases this year have been misses rather than hits, and . . . well, it happens. You don't know whether something will work until you try it. And I'd rather try something out at a discounted secondhand price --- if it works, fantastic, but if it doesn't, it's easy to pass it along to someone else. I'm never out much money, if any at all, and everything happens in this loop of recycling, rather than exerting demand for new products. Even when you're buying sustainable and ethical brands, who do everything in relatively small batches, simply not increasing demand for new things is a gesture in the right direction.
But my overall goal is not to look back on a year's worth of pictures and dislike a lot of what I'm wearing. I don't want to keep clothes I don't love. I don't want to waste a day wearing an outfit I'm trying hard to like, vs. an outfit I know I adore. There's a lot more energy involved in trying to make something work than there is in simply putting on clothes and feeling great. I think about myself a lot less when I have put on clothes and feel great in them than I do when something about my clothing is bugging me. I feel effortlessly beautiful in this Audrey dress, as opposed to effortfully so-so in the dress I first put on today. Better to have fewer clothes and feel beautiful in all of them.
Yeah, so, now that we have that all sorted out, it's time to walk the dog.
LUNCHTIME UPDATE:
*I have washed and hung out my Sofia dress and also listed her for resale.
*I have decided to reclaim my navy Flax tunic from the sale box. I'd listed it sometime in the spring, but there's not been any interest in it, which is too bad because it's a nice piece. I listed it mainly because it's . . . weird. I had thought I was buying a tank, but it's almost a dress in terms of length. BUT I have worn it both tucked and untucked over maxi skirts, and I can wear it under my floral pinafore, my Japanese linen pinafore, and any number of other things. I had been thinking, Hm, it would be nice to have at least one more linen tank, and . . . well, now I have one. The same one. Again. But it'll work for me. Also, if I really wanted it shorter, there's nothing to stop me taking it to the seamstress and HAVING IT ALTERED. Never not an option.
This buy-and-sell game can be fun. I don't mind it at all. I have had my first little Poshmark nastygram, however --- the buyer of my Willow dress trying to claim that it came to her with "a terrible smell that won't launder out." I mean . . . lady. Maybe it did. But it did not acquire that terrible smell in my house. I had washed it, and I smelled it before I shipped it, and it was fine. I did message her to offer a partial refund, but she has to start that process with Poshmark, and so far she hasn't.
So I really think she was trying to scam me. She had made me a low-ballish but not outrageously low-ballish offer for the dress, and I had made a counter-offer, which she accepted --- hoping, I suspect, that when she left me a bad review I would reach out to make things right, which of course I did. The ball is in her court, but the burden is also on her to prove this "terrible smell." If she did begin the process, then I wouldn't make trouble for her --- I'd refund her $20, as I'd offered to do, which would mean that she got the dress for several dollars less than her initial offer for it. She seemed keen to accept that offer, but again . . . I'm not going outside the Poshmark mechanisms to accomplish this noble end, because that is when you do get scammed. In the meantime, I'm over my initial mortified feelings at having gotten a bad review, because now I think she's the bad actor, not me.
But I did include a scrupulous level of information in my new listing for the Sofia, including that I had hand-washed the dress in Dr. Bronner's, which I use for just about everything in my house, and which is organic and environmentally good, but is not fragrance-free. I suppose I should have disclosed that before, but I hardly think that Dr. Bronner's has a "terrible" smell, especially some days after washing. It's when somebody doesn't describe the smell that you think, okay, you are flat making this nonsense up. If it were a real smell, you would say what it was (smoke, chemical, perfume, B.O., etc --- none of which this dress smelled like when I packed it, which I know because I SMELLED IT first).
Anyway. So things like that can happen when you buy and sell, but again, I am pretty scrupulous about disclosure. And I do feel at peace with relisting that Sofia dress. Again, it was an experiment, and I have learned something from it. It is funny to me that fairly similar styles --- Fiona, Brooklyn --- do work for me, and I feel fabulous and confident wearing them. In the case of the Fiona, there is a size difference. Both my Fiona dresses are mediums. But I think I could wear a small in that dress and get away with it, because both the bodice and the skirt seem fuller. My Brooklyns, on the other hand, are a size small --- but again, there's more flare and fullness in the skirt, and the bodice and waistband just . . . work, I dunno. I can't explain quite why I feel good in that dress and not the Sofia. Suffice it to say that this is the case. Meanwhile, I can wear swing styles well IF I size down some, so that they skim my body closely rather than swinging wide. This seems to be where we are.
And now, back to work.
OH ALSO
Going through my closet to hang my Flax tank/tunic back up, I put my hand on this cotton shirt, which I bought at Goodwill 5 or 6 years ago and like as a top layer, when I remember that I have it.
It's such a pretty color, a real duck-egg or robin's-egg blue. And it looks beautiful against the smudgy charcoal of my dress. Cotton has its drawbacks, but I don't mind it in a light jacket layer with a sleeveless dress. I'm glad to have been reminded to wear this shirt today.
EVENING UPDATE
What I've done today:
*more weeding, especially but not exclusively in the kitchen garden
*been to the store for toilet paper, Zyrtec, allergy eye drops, and vitamins
*harvested some baby beets, which I peeled and halved to roast with chicken thighs, onions, and jalepeno peppers. The onions aren't homegrown (nor are the chicken thighs), but the peppers and beets are. I've brushed everything with a marinade of lime juice, avocado oil, regular chili powder + chipotle powder + cumin. I laid everything out on a sheet pan lined with parchment paper, brushed it all with the marinade, and into the oven it went (must remember salt, because I didn't salt it all before I put it in). I'm going to make chips with the beet greens, rather as you make kale chips (brush with oil, add salt, bake till crisp). AND I'll garnish everything on the serving platter with cilantro from the garden.
So I'm pretty jazzed that already I'm getting produce from the garden. It's not huge amounts, but then we are two people and don't need huge amounts.
AFTER DINNER
This was a very good dinner. I heaped everything in a very big shallow bowl: 10 boneless, skinless baked chicken thighs*, onions, jalapenos, beets, some avocado slices, and the beet-green chips, which were basically just the whole leaves, which I had left on the stems, brushed with avocado oil, salted, then cooked on a parchment-paper-covered pizza pan for about ten minutes, until they were lightly browned and crispy.
The stems were not really edible, but they made a nice presentation on the platter, and then we could either serve ourselves by picking up the whole leaf on its stem, or just break off the chips and eat them. That's one way to get in some greens when you don't want them to be slimy --- kale chips had a moment some years back, but really you can do this with just about any thinnish green. Spinach is a little thick, maybe, but beet greens work perfectly. They are also good sauteed in olive oil with garlic, salt and pepper, and maybe some grated parmesan --- for people who just like to eat greens. I like them this way, but other folk in my house will not eat them.
I wish I had taken a picture, because the platter looked really nice. I garnished everything with lots of fresh cilantro, and it looked and tasted very good.
The weather is perfect for dinner on the porch right now. Soon enough it'll be too hot, so we're enjoying that experience while we can. Now I've walked the dog, and she is finally settling down, preparatory for bedtime. I think I'll turn in myself before too long. Good night, all!
*I made up a whole family-size pack of chicken, so that we would have leftovers for lunch tomorrow. But I went ahead and served them all, because the husband, who had been working in the yard, was hungry, and I figured that if he wanted to eat 8 or 9 chicken thighs, that was his privilege. (Reader, he did not. He ate 5, but they weren't very big. I ate 1. We have 4 left for lunch. This is sounding like a word problem in second-grade math.)