Early-morning study corner, with mussed-up daybed. My decor is not ever going to achieve Instagram-influencer status, but I don't care. I love this room. I love that corner and the way it glows in the lamplight before the sun is properly up. And then I love the way the whole room glows when the sun strikes it, as it's doing now, several hours later.
It is a lovely Saturday already, with a projected high of 72F: perfect weather. I'm going to assist the husband in some yardwork --- that's the chief plan. Other possible items on my agenda, besides the inevitable Daily Life With Dog:
*work on my essay for Tuesday's Substack (already about halfway done with that one --- it's a lot easier than John Donne)
*change the sheets (I should also strip the Artgirl's bed, but that doesn't strictly have to be done today)
*do some closet culling and --- most importantly --- take my big donate bag to drop off at Goodwill. I simply am not going to do the more ethical thing, whatever exactly that is. I'm reselling a number of items that I think stand a chance of being bought, but I really just need to get some other things out of my house, because I'm not wearing them but somebody else totally could.
I think I'm choosing pretty wisely here. I have a sense of how picky people are when they're choosing something on Poshmark and paying for shipping, over and above the usually-higher-than-Goodwill selling price. I price things to sell, but I'm not as cheap as Goodwill. This means that whatever I offer in my Poshmark closet needs to be nice. If it has flaws, it had better be such a nice thing with flaws --- like an item from a usually very spendy brand --- that somebody is willing to have it shipped to them.
But then there's this whole other category of things that are still in good shape --- like I'm not foisting my rags off on poor people, thinking they should be grateful for my scraps. I have been that person shopping at Goodwill, because I couldn't afford anything else (and could barely afford Goodwill), and I have every respect for other people shopping there. I also have a sense of what somebody else might consider a really great find.
And I have a sense of what I just don't feel like taking the trouble to photograph and write sales copy about. That's what it comes down to. It's easy to relist things I've bought recently, because more often than not, you can reuse the photos from the original listing and just edit the copy. But there are other things that would require more time and effort than I feel like expending in that direction, given that I have other things to do.
Anyway, over the last year, I've amassed a pretty decent-sized bag of items that fall into this category. What I'd like, ultimately, is not to amass this kind of bag at all, by simply not bringing into my house things that don't work for me, but nothing is perfect in this life. I'm just glad that it's taken me a year, at least, to build up a bag of this many things, and not a month.
So . . . I am adding some things to the Poshmark closet, but I'm also going to finish filling this bag and actually remove it from my physical closet, into my car, and from my car to the drop-off at Goodwill. That's the goal. The ultimate goal is for said bag not to remain in said car for an additional year, which . . . you know, can happen. I want to get RID of this stuff. I don't even remember what's in the bag, which means that I haven't missed it, which means it needs to go.
I read somewhere recently that an effective principle for decluttering is not to decide what you don't need, but to decide what you do need. Pare back by identifying what you really love. That tells you, then, what you don't really love --- at least, it's a measure for elimination. I know I love the Smock dress I wore yesterday (even though I hadn't worn it since January). The question then can be: What don't I love as much as I love this dress? And why?
I'm back to considering that with a couple of key exceptions, I don't love swing dresses. There are things I love about the swing dresses I own, but again I'm interrogating whether I really love wearing them --- not in a vacuum, but as compared to dresses I really love wearing and feel confidently beautiful in. I think I'm going to reactivate my listing for my Ocean Teal Willow dress, for example, and see if anybody bites. There are things I love about that dress, for sure. It's served me well in the year and a half I've owned it. But I do not love how it looks on me as much as I love how other things look. If I did not have this dress, with the attendant mandate to wear it, would I not wear other dresses that I love more, more often?
I'm also considering my Agean Teal Maggie dress. Again, I love things about that dress. But I don't love how it looks on me, and also, it's in fairly rough shape, considering that I haven't owned it all that long (two years in May). On the other hand, I do wear it as a top with skirts, and under pinafores, and I like it for that. I do like it for knocking around, and it might eventually join my two other old Wool& dresses as a nightgown. Considering that I'd offer it for sale for a massively discounted price, given the repairs I've done and need to do, I'm not sure that selling it is really worth my while. So for now it's staying in the closet, because in fact I do need some clothes that aren't strictly "nice."
This is true of my secondhand Washed Navy Sierra as well. I need to have some dresses --- since dresses are all I really seem to want to wear --- that can take a beating, and that I don't so much mind damaging, in the course of various activities. That Sierra is already stretching out after the manner of my original one . . . I could wash it in hot and run it through the dryer, but over time I think that weakens the fibers, so that they do wind up stretching out even more. As much as I love wearing Sierra dresses, that really gives me pause. I do not think I want to buy another, unless I buy another XS.
I don't ever wish to be hasty, because repent at leisure, but I want to discern what I really love in my closet, and then pare back to just those things. Fortunately for me, that's still a lot. I simply need to prune back any dead wood so that I just wear those things I love --- and don't neglect them because I'm being deliberate about wearing everything.
Now, again, love doesn't have to mean wear all the time. I do not wear my purple silk dress all the time, but I love it --- and I love it for those times when a silk dress is appropriate and indicated. I am glad that I have a silk dress for those times when a silk dress is appropriate and indicated. I am glad that I have a small cache of really special things --- that Thai silk jacket/kimono Marly talked me into buying a year and a half ago in the bougie consignment shop, for example. No, the exact situation for wearing that item has not occurred in a long time, but I have worn it out in public, and I will do again. That's another thing I really love and could never replace in kind if I lost it. So there is that whole category of items to consider (mostly to consider what they are, that I love them, and that I'm going to keep them).
But I do ask myself questions about other things. Do I really need two Brooklyn dresses, for example? Do I really love wearing my Beetroot Brooklyn, which is right on the edge of being too bright? That's a question I'm not going to answer today, but I might put it aside in the sale box, without listing it, and leave it there until after Easter, to see whether, as the days warm up, I want to retrieve it. If I'm considering buying another Wool& dress, in other words, I really need to ask myself some hard questions about the ones I have. I need to consider that yesterday I wore a favorite dress for the first time since January --- what's keeping me from wearing dresses I truly love? Again, I realize that I don't think I've worn my Chocolate Brown NPL Leila, another favorite dress at all since the start of the year. Why? I mean, as the weather warms up, I will be reaching for these lovely sleeveless dresses a lot more. But they layer well, and I just wonder . . . how many times have I worn something I didn't truly love, simply because it was there, and overlooked something else that I did truly love and might otherwise have chosen?
Today's agenda:
*navel gazing
OK, well, I am dressed, actually, and ready to leap into action. Or ooze into action. Or sit here doing nothing, but in my clothes.
Wearing:
Base outfit:
*Wool& Sierra dress (XS) in Iris Blue, bought January 2025, last worn March 17. Wears in 2025: 15 (yeah, this dress is WINNING)
*Secondhand Xero Oswego sneakers, bought spring 2024, first year of wear
Top layer while it's cool this morning:
*Secondhand O'Connell's merino cardigan, bought early 2023, third year of wear
I'm not really sure about the juxtaposition of these colors, but I like this cardigan and hadn't worn it in a while, so why not, thought I. I do like blues and purples together. I also thought I'd wear these Oswegos, rather than Birks, even though I always prefer Birks, because I will be working outside, and it would be nice not to have to clean my Birks again. These are great shoes for walking and light hiking (or really, any hiking --- I find more and more that I just prefer light, flexible shoes even for fairly rugged mountain trails). These are nice because they don't look as obviously sporty/hiky as my Mesa trail runners, though I do also love those and should wear them with this dress and others.
You probably can't tell so much, because I haven't posted all the photos I've taken of myself in this dress, but the fabric has relaxed a LOT since I bought it. It used to pull a bit across my back and backside --- I had the infamous "fold" in the small of my back that meant that really, it was too small. BUT I knew it was going to stretch. And lo, over time and wear and one cold-water hand-wash and air-dry, it has stretched. The fit is now a lot smoother in places where it originally wasn't. It hardly pulls at all, and I feel sure that it will pull less over time, even if I don't lose another eighth of an inch anywhere.
Meanwhile, I do largely prefer the more fitted look. It's a little less a swing dress, a little more like a skater dress, a silhouette I really love. While I'm more and more dubious about swing dresses, I find I like a dress that's not necessarily seamed at the waist, but does sit closer to the shape of my body. I don't want real bodycon --- I like the flare at the hips here. It feels flattering and graceful and offers me a good range of motion. It also doesn't announce my non-flat belly at every turn. It doesn't obscure my body, making me look as though I were ashamed of having this body; it just gently forgives. That seems like a sweet spot.
Anyway, dang, I am wearing this dress to the exclusion of many other things, but I know I love it. It's perfect for everything I plan to do today: comfortable, fairly tough (I'm not going to be down in the dirt so much, just mostly advising about what stuff to weed-whack), easy to move in, good for changing temperatures. The shape of the cardigan is fun over it, adding a little more definition, and the merino knit is light enough that I could probably wear the cardigan for much of the day without being really too hot.
And although we're staying in tonight, I like that this fun little dress goes out on the town just as well as it works in the yard. A change of shoes, and I'm good to go to the pub, or even a nicer restaurant. I look forward to taking this dress on the hiking trail this summer, then to the Blowing Rock Ale House for dinner --- it's unbelievably perfect for that combination of activities.
OK, I had better get up out this chair. The Artgirl arrived safely, around midnight, at the Arkansas cabin where her brother and some friends are spring-breaking, so I can relax now. Onward, upward, &c.
AFTERNOON UPDATE:
So far since I left off today's installment, I have:
*walked the dog
*washed some clothes and hung them in the sun
*sat in the sun with Dora while I talked for a long time on the phone to the TXgirl
*texted with the other three progeny --- learned that the Fire Son is in South Florida, finally, to do some controlled burning there
*changed our sheets and made the bed --- will do a load of sheets maybe Monday, but this is enough of that for now
*weeded my shoes, none of which (the ones I'm moving along) I really felt were worth reselling, but I think they'll be fine for the rack at Goodwill.
*did some more closet culling, putting my teal Willow back up for sale, as well as my lavender jeans, and moving a couple of other things out provisionally. My Maggie has gone to the nightgown bin, though of course I can always retrieve her for other purposes. I've decided to hang onto the Beetroot Brooklyn, because even as I held her in my hands, meditating, I thought of all the ways I have liked to wear her (with my green maxi skirt, under my floral pinafore, etc, as well as on her own). I'm waiting for the husband to be done weed-whacking and mowing in the driveway (he says he doesn't need my assistance today after all), so that I can load the big bag in the car and take it to the drop-off.
Here is my tidied, streamlined closet, minus the big donation bag that has taken up a lot of real estate, there on the floor --- as I realized once I pulled it out:
My shoes had been a jumble, spilling out the door, but now they are organized and all visible. This pare-down leaves me still with 15 16 dresses, total: 7 Wool& dresses plus 8 9 more --- of which two (black linen and purple silk) are dresses that I don't wear every day at all, but that fill specific needs. So really, that's more like 13 14 dresses for regular wear.
IF I don't wear anything else but dresses, I would be wearing these 13 14 in a rota that would mean I wore each one twice a month, with a couple of repeats. And actually . . . I don't want to get too obsessive and overdetermined about this, but if I have this number of dresses that, worn twice each, would account for 26 28 days in a month, that does give me leeway for four to five two to three days for skirts, trousers, etc --- or one more dress.
Anyway, whether I add another dress or not, that is roughly my normal proportion of dress days to non-dress days. This doesn't take into account that sometimes I wear a dress as a top with a skirt --- that fact that I do that does complicate these tidy numbers, but whatever. It doesn't need to be that tidy. I just need to be sure that I am in fact wearing the clothes I own, with some leeway for things I don't reach for all the time (that gray linen Gap hoodie, for example, which I am not getting rid of, ever, and really should remember to put on . . .).
It occurs to me that that loose proportion --- 26/4 28/2 --- is a good rule of thumb for considering the balance of things in my closet. (It still is, even though I counted wrong the first time). It is true that I want to wear dresses more than I want to wear anything else, but I like having a small handful of other options. I did move my Levis to the sale box, though I have not yet re-listed them, because although I like the look of them, they are just honestly not that comfortable. I'm not choosing to wear them. I also realize that I don't look the same way in jeans like that as I looked when I was 21, and that chasing that vibe is probably a little silly. As long as I'm not riding horses --- and I seem quite clearly not to be riding horses --- the pink wide-leg jeans are about enough of that kind of thing for me.
Again, I think that Do I love this is a very good question to ask. I have things I love that I wear all the time --- this dress I'm wearing today is a prime example. But then I have things I don't wear all the time, but still love. And I think the fact that I love them is a reason to keep them. But then there are those things that I love the idea of --- far more than I love the things themselves. It's good to discern which I love, because ideas take up a lot less space than things. I can keep the idea in my head to cherish forever, but move the thing along.
There's also sentimental value, which can be complicated. You have to be careful, because you can sentimental yourself straight into a hoarding situation, but let's take my 33-year-old Vasque hiking boots as an example. I cannot wear those boots anymore. The very thought of them hurts my feet. But they were the first really good hiking boots I ever owned, bought at a period of my life that I like to remember: Utah, 1992, when we were carefree and on our own and did a lot of hiking and camping. I walked many, many miles in those boots over the course of three decades, and if I didn't have this stupid bunion, I'd be walking in them still.
In short, those boots hold specific memories and associations that no other pair of shoes really has done. I can't be that attached to every pair of shoes I own --- in fact, I make it a rule not to be that attached --- but I am going to hang on to those boots. If the house burned down, the boots are not what I'd shed tears over, but as long as the house doesn't burn down, and I've got room, then they stay. If I had to move into a camper van, they'd go, as would lots of other things I currently have the luxury of loving enough to keep. But as, at this moment, I do have that luxury: again, the boots get a reprieve. They are still good, serviceable boots, so should I one day encounter somebody with the right size feet in need of some leather hiking boots, I might opt to give them away to that specific person. But I don't feel like sending them to Goodwill today.
This was also a good opportunity to sweep and dust-mop the closet floor, so it's cleaner and tidier. That's one little spring-cleaning task accomplished. I do still need to sort out those leggings and tees in the middle hanging shelf . . . that's a bit of a mess, and I might find that I want to cull there as well. But not today. In that department, anyway, I think I'm done for the day.
I did also order groceries, which should be delivered sometime in the next two hours. It's nice to be able to accomplish grocery shopping and still have time and energy for all this other stuff.
Also, I'm totally wearing my brown Leila tomorrow, because no way can I have gotten this far into 2025 without putting on that dress. A situation to rectify ASAP.
(Oh, no, I'm wrong: I wore her January 14. That's still too long ago, but better than not having worn her at all!)
LATER:
Donation bag dropped off at Goodwill. Next level unlocked.
AND . . .
Speaking of that gray linen Gap hoodie that I've owned for at least ten years now, having bought it at Goodwill goodness knows when . . .
Yeah, guess what's actually the perfect top layer over this dress. It doesn't work over swingier swing dresses --- too boxy over that volume. But it does work over a more fitted silhouette, even if there's some flare in the skirt. I got hot in my cardigan, and waddya know . . .
And now the groceries are here. Calloo callay.