Last night we sat outside at the pub and watched the sky get dark while we ate our chicken street tacos and drank our beer. They're having their annual Oktoberfest party next Saturday --- yes, we plan to go --- but already they've tapped their keg of Oktoberfest Marzen, so I rushed the season and had some.
We came home, walked the dog, said our decade of the rosary, and went to bed.
Wore my new-to-me NPL Smock dress with my old thrifted denim jacket and felt happy and pretty. The husband is a big fan. We spent a long time talking, as we drank our beer, about sustainable clothing companies and secondhand buying --- sounds like I'm making this up, but I assure you, I'm not. I'm lucky to be married to somebody who cares about these things and appreciates well-made clothes. I'm always on the lookout for better things for him, too.
In other news, I'm about halfway through East of Eden, and still marveling that somehow I hadn't read it until now. Cathy still makes me want to vomit. It is the kind of novel you read with your stomach clenched, because in that world evil is very much alive, and cruel things absolutely happen, and you're just waiting for them to happen, knowing that the writer won't protect you from them.
Thus it is with so much of Steinbeck. The Red Pony is kind of awful. So is The Pearl. I mean awful in the sense of intuiting all the world's injustice, caprice, and active willingness to inflict suffering, and allowing its beauty to be utterly spoiled by those things. But then --- and Steinbeck isn't interested in writing redemption stories, because socialism really doesn't have a redemption story other than the eventual uprising of the masses and the wreaking of judgment on their oppressors, for whom there is no redemption story --- if you're looking for what fallenness looks like, he's writing it. And in East of Eden I'm reminded of his actual capacity for writing beauty, both in landscapes and in human beings.
In still other news, I have two last parcels from this last shopping spree (like a shooting spree, really) out for delivery today. One is the Snag tights I ordered some weeks back. I'd had merino tights in Sand Dollar before and dyed them Sapphire blue (which I adore), but I'd been looking at my current closet palette and thinking that actually, this year, I'd get a lot of wear out of Sand Dollar. It's a nice taupe-ish neutral that will go well with the browns and blushes and purples I've added in the last year, as well as blues, greens, teals, etc. I didn't love them with my Xero Tari boots, but I think they will look better with Mary Janes and my current dresses. I have plenty of grays, but I needed something in that color zone to help the whole wardrobe work through the (eventual) winter.
My other parcel is a Wool& dress, the one large new item I have allowed myself to buy this year (and really, only because it was in the warehouse sale, and there's no word on when or whether they'd really plan to bring this style back). I'd intended to wait until the new year, but I've been sleeping on a second dress in this style since I bought the first one two years ago, and I thought that if I kept sleeping on it, I'd lose my chance. So now it's out for delivery, and you'll get to see it soon.
I hadn't thought about doing a 30-day challenge, and I'm pretty sure I'm still not thinking about it. I did do one last year, with my Ocean Teal Willow, and it was moderately fun, but I really just don't have the appetite anymore. I have too many other clothes I want to wear, and my focus has pivoted away from rewearing and constantly re-styling the same thing, and toward wearing everything in long rotations to help each item last longer.
Besides, I don't really want to buy another dress. I don't need one. I really didn't need this one. Well --- my older dress in the same design is not getting any younger, or looking any fresher (though I wear her often anyway), and I know I like this design, and . . . well, see above, if you need reminding why I bought it. So this wasn't technically a need, but it was a want, and it wasn't just a totally out-of-the-blue impulse want . . . Anyway. All rationalizations aside, I know that if I did a challenge it would be because I was planning to buy another Wool& dress, and there's just honestly not another one I want right now.
So I plan to enjoy this dress in rotation with everything else. It will also be a good conference/reading/lecture dress, basic enough to wear on an everyday basis but also to style for more polished outfits. I know the design, so I know how it hangs on me and performs, and I'll be glad to have it in the color I've chosen (which was starting to sell out in some sizes, so again, I'm glad I didn't continue to sleep on it).
I have, meanwhile, done a little more judicious culling in my closet. I've decided to pass along the straight linen skirt with my bag of pass-alongs for the Texasgirl, who will find homes for things she can't use herself. And I've put my pink linen trousers up for resale. They were fun for a season, but I'm just not wearing them enough to justify keeping them, I don't think. Or to put it another way, there are things I'd rather wear, and I don't want to keep anything in my closet that I have to make myself wear. The trousers were a nice experiment, but I do strongly prefer skirts and dresses.
I don't want to get caught up in a big cycle of buying and reselling, but it seemed prudent to me to move out the same number of items as items coming in. This doesn't apply to things like tights, obviously --- those I just see as analogous to underwear, even when I am choosing colors that will clearly be part of whole outfit schemes and are meant (unlike underwear) to be seen.
And as always, my closet gives me the possibility for any number of smaller capsule wardrobes within the larger range of things. I can make successful travel capsules oriented toward my destinations and my reasons for traveling. I can make liturgical-season capsules (read: dominated by purple for Advent and Lent). I can make seasonal capsules --- fall, winter, spring --- though I really don't consciously plan those out in the same way that I plan Advent and Lent or travel capsules.
But subconsciously, as I think about my collection of warm layers for top and bottom, all my sweaters and cardigans, all my tights, and how they'll work with my dresses and skirts, planning a seasonal capsule is exactly what I'm doing. When I buy a core item, like a dress, I'm planning out what items already in the closet it's going to go with --- I'm not thinking, Oh, I should get a green sweater, too, to make an outfit. I'm thinking about things I already own, things I've had for a long time, such as my green corduroy blazer and my denim jacket, as well as all those cardigans. If I get a cardigan or pullover, I'm actively thinking about what I own, and if it doesn't go with what I own, I don't buy it.
That helps me keep my focus and not just buy everything that happens to catch my eye. It also helps that I have kind of an aesthetic in mind, though my aesthetic doesn't really have a name. It's kind of cottagecore? It's kind of hippie-natural? It's kind of academic? It's kind of vintage, if we're describing vintage as echoing elements from the 1920s, 30s, and 40s, in the way that we were doing in the 1990s, which is the decade from which all my actual vintage clothing comes. It's sort of kind of all those things in balance with each other, tempered by my desire not to feel that I'm wearing a costume for some pretend life. I don't want to look like an extra in a Merchant-Ivory costume drama of the 1990s, but if I make you vaguely think of a Merchant-Ivory costume drama of the 1990s, then I will have succeeded in my mission.
High today: 75F, mostly cloudy. Nice and cool, but not too cool. The mail isn't here yet, but the pressure-washing guy is, so I had better get dressed in something I currently have on hand.
Wearing:
*Wool& Fiona (M) in Teal, bought November 2022, last worn September 6. Total wears to date in 2024: 16. And you know, I really want to wear this dress. Looking back over my outfit photos for the year so far makes me consider that I think I'm gravitating away from swing dresses and strongly toward dresses that have some kind of defined waist, even if (as in the case of my Dark Gray-Blue NPL Smock dress, the waist is loose). I like outfits I've made with my Ocean Teal Willow, especially. And I find swing dresses useful for wearing under other things. But I don't anticipate buying any more no-waist dresses, and I might find myself, in the new year, reselling one or two, so that what I have to choose from are these dresses whose silhouette I really seem to prefer. But we'll see. Not going to make any hasty decisions. It took me two years to decide to resell my Marine Blue Maggie.
I had planned this dress for Sunday, but felt like wearing it today.
*Secondhand alpaca cardigan, bought September 2022, last worn yesterday. It was on the hamper, so I picked it up and put it on, but I do like the tonal hues here, aqua on teal.
*Birk Mayaris. You've seen them. You'll continue to see them until the weather gets cold. Yes, I could wear Mary Janes, but these are easy, and I do like how they look.
The mail is coming, and when it does, I might change clothes, or I might not. What I have on is as comfortable as pajamas, but I actively love how it looks.
LATER:
The pressure-washers are finished and gone, and the outside of the house looks so. much. better. It had been a long time. I had been thinking that the front porch needed painting, because the white was so dingy, but no --- it just needed a hard washing with bleach solution.
While they were blasting my office window, I went and sat in the kitchen and took a nice cozy photo of my view:
I really love these gloomy days, this time of year. They feel soft and melancholy in that delicious fallish way that isn't nearly as delicious in February, when the taste for gloom has had time to become jaded.
I've pecked out a few more lines, and edited more, in this longish dimeter poem I've been writing. No idea where it's going. I just add lines and try not to get tied up in knots about the time it's taking coming together (of course, it just might not come together at all, but I try not to get tied up in knots about that, either).
Soon I'll need to make up the aired-out bed and do a little cleaning in the house --- and rescue the husband's yardwork clothes from the line before it rains. Maybe I'll do that right now, while I'm actively thinking of it.
LATER STILL (but it's not even lunchtime . . . )
The mail came! The mail came!
You knew what this was going to be, right?
HERE is the Marine Blue dress I really wanted all along: the Marine Blue Fiona. Yep, the same style as the dress I'm actually wearing today (yes, I did put the teal dress back on). Yep, the same color as the dress I just sold. And yes, I'm happy.
This dress, in this color, was already sold out in Small in the warehouse sale. Otherwise I might have bought a small. The bodice feels a tad large. BUT it's the same size as my original Fiona dress, and I figure that the fabric will settle with wear. I don't mind the blousiness. I could wish that the neckline were a tiny bit smaller, but I don't mind it. I could have bought a burgundy Fiona in Small, but I really wanted this blue. POSSIBLY if they knock the price down even more for clearance I'd try a small burgundy Fiona, but POSSIBLY and if are the key words here. Yes, I really like this style, and it might be worth it to me to buy one more before they're gone --- but I don't have to, and I'm a lot iffier about that burgundy, which looks a little rustier in people's photographs than I think I want.
Anyway, I'm very happy with this dress. The fit is very much the same as my original Fiona's, and it really is the answer to what always bugged me about my blue Maggie: the shapelessness. I'm realizing how much I like dresses with waists, or at least with some waist definition. I love my Audrey dress, which doesn't have a set-in waist, but it's kind of a gently fitted shape, not a big swing. I'm not ready to get rid of swing dresses, but I don't think I want to buy any more.
I suppose this is a good example of what "finding your style" looks like. First of all, I don't really think that this is a quest with a solid endpoint. People are always changing. We're aging. Our basic aesthetic might be the same, but what we feel good in is a matter of some evolution. Meanwhile, it's always going to involve trial and error. No matter how you think something is going to fit and feel as part of your life, reality isn't always quite what you envision when you're making the purchase. Even when you consider things carefully, sometimes you miss the target. Sometimes you don't even know what the target is until you've missed it. That's just the way it goes.
It helps not to buy a ton of stuff at a time. I've never bought more than one dress at a time, even when I was buying more frequently. Last year I did buy a lot of dresses, relatively speaking --- maybe more than I should have, although I have worn them happily and don't regret the purchases. And most of my attempts have been wins. My biggest gambles have been on the Fiona and the Brooklyn, both styles I didn't think I liked --- and now I own two of each, and it's a good thing, because I love wearing them. Of all the dresses I've bought since 2021, one dress has been a clear non-winner: that Maggie I just sold, and I gave it a long time before I decided that it wasn't a winner. I have returned --- one dress? I know I tried a Sofia last year, and it was a miss. I tried it on and sent it right back and got my Pacific Brooklyn instead. No, I have returned two, because I also tried a Norah, a total loser for me. Sent that one right back as well, and I think it was after that that I bought my Ocean Teal Willow.
So I guess where I'm going with this is that yes, I've experimented, but I think I've learned to experiment better since my frequent-thrifter days. Most of what I buy, I keep for the long haul. I'm no longer bringing home $50 worth of thrift items every month, half of which I then take back the next time I go, or else let hang in my closet because I feel too guilty about having bought it and then disliked how it looked. Yes, I now have more than a minimalist amount of clothing (but that wasn't my goal anyway). And each single item cost me a lot more than any single item that I've ever bought in a thrift store. But what I now have, I like and wear. I've donated, passed along, and resold relatively few items in the last three years. My life isn't one big flailing attempt to figure out who I am and how to dress that person.
Not that I have it figured out, mind you. But I am beginning really to settle into a method that works for me and makes me feel confident when I step out of the house --- as I must shortly do to pick up the Viking's prescription and mail it to him.
Before I do, though, here are some outfit combinations I tried with my new blue Fiona. I didn't bother changing shoes, but just imagine these with tights and either Mary Janes or boots. Maybe a scarf, too. I just wanted to see how the big elements would go together --- then I can figure out the rest.
I love that this dress goes with my whole closet. These are just a few examples of cardigans and jackets that work with this color and style.
I'm thinking that for my junket to Milwaukee and South Bend at the end of next month, I'll take both Fiona dresses and my grape-wine Smock dress. Then my corduroy blazer, my sparkly cashmere shrug, and maybe the blue rayon one as well. I'll plan to wear the big merino cardigan/coat on the plane and have it as my main outerwear. Brown Mary Janes, Birk Papillios, and Tari boots, with a selection of tights. At least one scarf.
All these things should fit handily in my carry-on backpack and "personal item." And I think they'll be plenty adequate to carry me through about five days of public see-and-be-seen events.
I don't at all want to do a 30-day challenge in this new dress. But I do anticipate wearing it a lot, all year round, as I've done its teal counterpart. It's a great basic dress with Birkenstocks, but also a great base for all kinds of outfits.
Now eating lunch that the husband brought home: orzo salad with diced butternut squash and cranberries + rice crackers with truffle pimiento cheese, ooh la la. Just joining my sufferings to those of Our Lord, here on this meatless Friday.
AFTERNOON UPDATE:
I have
*taken the dog for a longer walk
*picked up and mailed the Viking's prescription (go me)
*tried to book a hotel room in Milwaukee, but been thwarted by slow-moving websites
*finally sent a poetry submission that I've had up and ready to go for three weeks, but have kept tweaking and changing (go me again)
FINALLY (for the moment):
If you want to bask in the sound of my voice (a think I emphatically do not want to do), then you can listen to the latest Votive podcast, in which Haley Stewart interviews me about novels and faith and a whole range of things.
And hooray! My Maggie dress buyer loves her dress! So happy to have found my Marine-Blue Maggie a new home (and to have her replacement already in hand).