The sun came out for a while this morning, which was lovely to see. The furnace repairman also came out for a while this morning, and that was lovely to see, too. I took Dora out in the back yard and put her on her tether while the repairman was in the house --- I took the opportunity to do a little more fall tidying in the garden.
Now it's gray out again, though it's not nearly as chilly as yesterday was. I'm still trying to crank out these essays, which are kind of making my head explode, but at least I have one uploaded and two more drafted, so that at least is progress. Zoomed with two writer friends for about an hour this morning, after both the furnace repair guy and my husband had left the house, so that was a fun little interlude. Now I'm taking a work break to knock out this blog post, because thinking about trivia comes as a relief after trying to Say Big Things about Dante Gabriel Rossetti, who honestly seems to have been a bit of a drag.
Wearing today, because this really is a break from Rossetti and the whole Pre-Raphaelite Thing:
My new Wool& Audrey dress with my new Icebreaker long-sleeved tee tied over, plus Snag charcoal-gray merino tights and Tari boots.
I do like the way the Audrey makes a long, dark, narrow-ish skirt instantly available to me and suspect I'll get a ton of wear out of her as a skirt with a top over. It's also really nice to have one dress in an indisputable "church length." Not, mind you, that I don't wear above-the-knee dresses to church. I do. But it's nice to have one longer one, that could go with me into Italian cathedrals, should I ever be going into Italian cathedrals. I could see the Audrey as an extremely handy travel dress in a place like Italy: take off your top-layer shirt outside to stay cool, pop it back on again so that your shoulders are covered to go into churches. Total ease. The dress is also just silky and comfortable and, in cooler weather, plenty warm with layers. I'm realizing how much I've missed having at least one longer dress or skirt when it's cold.
I don't have any plans to buy any more dresses anytime soon, but in the future I'd definitely consider Audrey in another color, especially if I were going to be traveling. As it is, I know I'll be packing her for my jaunt to Memphis this weekend to spend time with my mother and collect my college kids. We'll do a mini-Thanksgiving with her, as well as going to Mass on Sunday, so it'll be good to have a versatile capsule for all that.
I also really like this merino tee.
It's rose-pink, but could probably pass for purple in Advent.
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Got an email digest from Elyse Holladay today, with some good counsel, in the form of affirmations, for dealing with Black-Friday and Cyber-Monday sales. Actually, it's good counsel generally for keeping your buying and wardrobe expansion under control:
No external influence can make me “need” anything. Sales can be a necessary way to afford things you may otherwise not be able to afford, whether that's gifts, treats for yourself, or even necessities. But no marketing can control you; no sale can make you need something you don't need—or don't need now, and it certainly can't make it worth your anxiety, over-budgeted bank balance, or even simple buyers' remorse over something you bought and don't really wear. You're in control of your desires—and you get to decide what you need and want.
I appreciate the beautiful clothes I already have more than I covet new clothes.You have so much in your closet already. Maybe it's not perfect, maybe you're in a style shift and wanting to replace some clothes that don't fit or don't feel like you anymore, for reasons as small as color palette or as large as gender. Take this as reminder to appreciate what you do have, even if it's just one piece, and to get clearer on what it is you're really shopping for.
I reject urgency and cultivate patience. Price is the one lever we are pulling on a sale weekend. If it's not in your budget, but sales make it fit, pull that lever. If you're buying it now simply because the sale makes it feel urgent, try to re-examine where that motivation is coming from. Do you need it now? Is price the right lever to pull to acquire this—or would it feel better to wait and pay full price to support a small business, or simply to trust that it could come into your life another time? Sales love and rely on urgency and FOMO, but we can cultivate—acquire and develop—patience.
I know the difference between what I like and what I like to wear. There's so many beautiful things in the world; beautiful garments, ruffly dresses, colorful shoes, handmade jewelry. There's so many things we can love—and not love to wear. When you have clarity on the difference, it means the yearning for beautiful objects can be appreciation, not ownership. The urge to buy them simply vanishes, because you know what's right for you.
I practice critical thinking, not self-criticism. We aim to practice looking objectively at all the information you have—your habits, desires, budget, feeling, wants, needs, resources—and use that to guide our actions. We can be pragmatic and recognize reality, yet include our feelings and desires. We can refuse shame and self-criticism, and trust ourselves.
These are Elyse's words directly, not my paraphrase. I really think that each one of these affirmations is clear, important, and good, as we practice emotional and psychological intelligence about our self-presentation and our habits surrounding clothes, including how and when we acquire them.
Particular points I appreciate right now:
*that I love the clothes I have, and that I can focus my energy on wearing them. I don't need more (especially not now, as my closet has just gotten a significant boost in the last month). I do truly enjoy wearing what I have, and I can lean into that now as the holiday season approaches.
*that I can cultivate patience. It's easy to fall into a pattern of buying, then wanting to buy more, because the getting felt good. No matter how many clothes I might buy, there's always something else out there to want. But I don't have to have it right now. I can wait. I can see what's going to be out there in the future. I can see what gaps I might need to fill, that aren't apparent to me now. And that's okay.
*I can refrain from shaming myself. I can not feel that I need to apologize for what I have bought or received in what was supposed to be a no-buy year. I can not consider that a failure. I can also choose not to feel ashamed if I want something else. I don't have to buy it, but I don't have to feel bad for wishing I could. Meanwhile, I can think, as Elyse says, critically and pragmatically about what needs I might still have --- which to me at this moment aren't apparent, which is great.
At this point, I think I'm really tired of challenges. I keep thinking I might do a 30-day, but I don't want to, so I doubt I will. What I do really want to do is enjoy the abundance of what I have: it's a fairly streamlined abundance, but it's hardly ascetical. It's enough in every sense: colors, textures, variety, possibility.
It's literally this plus a small bin of leggings and tights, plus the clothes I'm currently wearing (also, some of my shoes are living under the bathroom drying rack). This is abundance. And I'm grateful for it. It's good to keep reminding myself, but I truly am.