Chives blooming on the back patio. It's too easy not to consider how actually beautiful the plants in the onion family are. If you let wild onion grow in the lawn and don't cut it, it too will bloom something like this --- white, I think, not this brighter purple (usually the onions in our lawn do get cut, sometimes by me with scissors to use in cooking instead of chives).
It's Tuesday and back to the ordinary after the long holiday weekend. We had fun yesterday evening at a backyard party, then went into Belmont for a more substantial supper than had been on offer at the party. The spring night was beautiful, high and dry and cool, spattered with stars.
The cinnamon rolls I made turned out well, by the way. I made a big pan using this recipe for the dough, but subbing honey for the sugar --- I just mixed the flour and yeast in a bowl, then melted the butter together with about a half-cup of honey, adding water to cool the mixture to bathwater temperature before adding that,with an egg, to the dry ingredients. For the filling I pureed pitted dates with about two tablespoons of honey, plus the recommended amount of cinnamon and a little water to thin the mixture so that I could spread it over the rolled-out dough on a floured silicone baking mat. Then I rolled up the dough into a tube and sliced it into individual rolls, which I baked in a big pyrex casserole dish lined with parchment paper. Fairly thin layer of cream cheese to ice them when they came out of the oven.
We still have some left and have eaten one each for breakfast --- they're quite big. I don't usually eat bready things like this for breakfast, but you know, it is the Octave of Easter . . .
This morning is overcast, at least at the moment (it's about twenty minutes to eight at this writing). I still have laundry to bring in from the line, and I hope it doesn't rain before I do. In any case, I might have to break down and bang it all into the dryer to burn off the overnight dampness. Projected high of 76F today, which is perfect.
On today:
*dog walk
*weights
*essay
*read a book I have committed to review, and another for which I've committed to write a back-jacket blurb
*pick up the Viking's meds and put them in the mail
The husband is out late tonight, so I will eat a leftover lamb chop for supper and find a new detective to attach myself to.
Wearing today (continuing my joyful reunion with all my clothes that aren't purple or neutrals):
*Wool& Brooklyn dress (S/Long) in Beetroot, bought November 2023, last worn March 3 (under my floral pinafore). Wears in 2025: 4
*Secondhand Birk Mayaris, year 2
I washed this dress, with several others, back at the weekend, which maybe is why it's feeling a bit less forgiving today in the skirt . . . though one thing I notice about the subtle changes in my body composition is that the waistline is sitting a little lower, thanks to some loss of belly fat and reduction of bloating in the last year. This may mean that the skirt's fullness is also sitting lower than I would strictly like --- it's not floating over areas of interest that I would rather not display so much. But it does mean something good overall. AND it means that the crossover bodice gapes less. I imagine that it all will relax somewhat with wear, though, in the course of the day. Meanwhile, the simple addition of a silk half-slip really does help with the skimming-over-the-mortal-flesh factor, without adding bulk or discomfort. I sometimes forget that I have this slip, but then when I remember it, I'm glad I do have it. At the very least, it covers the flat-but-still-visible waistband of my bike-short undies, which I appreciate. Bike shorts make the least visible kind of underwear (other than a thong, I guess, but I'm not wearing that), but nothing is perfect in this life.
If you don't have a good slip, you should get one. This one is nothing special --- I bought it on Amazon (so much for me and my ethical shopping), but it is mulberry silk, so it's very soft and breathable, a bearable layer to wear under a dress on a warm day, but also not chilly on the skin when it's cold. I'm not going to wear shapewear, like ever, I don't think, but again, a good slip can make a big difference in how something fits and flows over your body.
In general I love this dress. I love the silhouette, the neckline, and the color. I particularly love it worn very simply in warm weather --- it's okay with layers, but never quite as good as it is just on its own. I could wear it with my ankle-strap wedge sandals for a dressier occasion, but it's honestly great just to knock around in. It's a good dress to wear with a jean jacket or a longline slim cardigan. I also like it worn with a skirt over, so that the surplice bodice becomes an interesting top, while the added length at the bottom that makes me comfortable in contexts where a little more coverage is warranted. I love that the design is simple without being boring, eye-catching without being uncomfortable.
I've been looking forward to wearing this dress, and I am not disappointed. It may seem a silly thing, to be grateful for clothes --- I could be less vain, I guess, and just not think about what I'm putting on. On the other hand, as I've often thought before . . .
a) Just not thinking about what I'm putting on has proven impossible for me, and
b) Liking and feeling good in what I have on generally leads to my thinking less about myself --- though I find I can hyperfocus on clothes just as readily as I can hyperfocus on anything else in my probably-ADHD brain-world. But if I feel good in my clothes, then I am more confident, less self-conscious, more able to attend to other people, and that's not nothing. I suppose that in another life I might have disappeared into a religious habit and had the same experience, but that is not the life or the vocation that I have, and it seems silly to pretend that it is.
So I am grateful to have clothing that I love. I'm grateful to be able to afford some things I really want. I've been in a place where I couldn't, and I don't take this privilege for granted now. I'm also grateful for access to targeted secondhand shopping, where I can search for what I want without the distraction of an entire thrift store full of things I can --- and too often do --- just buy because they're there and cheap. I've paid full price for relatively few things in my closet, and that over the course of several years, not all at once. While I think I still buy too much, and still need to rewire my brain to some other dopamine habit, I also think I'm a lot better at the game than I used to be, when I bought lots of things (a $50 Goodwill haul roughly every six weeks), few of which were good quality or even really workable for me and my body, and few of which I have hung onto for the long term. I've paid more for secondhand items on Poshmark, but they have also been well-made things that I really wanted (though sometimes they don't fit, or an experiment turns out not to be what I want, in which case resale is another thing to be grateful for) and will continue to enjoy wearing until they fall apart.
This is more or less the same thought that I always have, but it's good to revisit it. My Lenten penances were revelatory in many ways, but mostly in that quite obviously a penance in itself doesn't just fix whatever is wrong with you. Lent isn't like a mechanic's shop, where they take out the malfunctioning part and put in one that works. It just shows you who you are --- chiefly, that you're not God, but instead are one who depends on his mercy and goodness. I didn't emerge into Easter a better person than I was on Ash Wednesday, but I hope I did emerge with more clarity and conviction.
Anyway. Got stuff to do. Better do it.