Wood Iris, also a feature in the border with the peonies. Have I mentioned that this is the most wonderful time of the year? Because it is.
I went back and edited yesterday's post --- I had repeated words in a way that irritated me ("really," for example), and indulged myself in a few other writing tics that I normally try to edit out, but just didn't get to yesterday. Yes, yes, this is a diary, but even so. Even if nobody read it but me --- maybe especially if nobody read it but me --- I should write it well, or not at all.
ANYWAY. It's looking like another nice day out there, if a little less straightforwardly sunny than yesterday. Projected high of about 82F, I think. I want to get some laundry done and hung out on the line while we're having this dry spell. And then of course I have to walk the dog and write some stuff --- the usual, in other words.
The dog seems to be feeling better. She slept through the night without incident, at any rate, for the first time since the wee hours of Sunday morning. I'll have her finish off the carton of chicken bone broth she's been working her way through, then try her on a little plain cooked chicken later today. She's bound to be hungry, but it's good to go slowly, so as not to re-inflame the ol' digestive system.
I've done some switching of clothing items, in and out of the outbox. I'm not listing anything more at the moment, but I have provisionally outboxed my NPL Mama dress, to see whether I miss it or not. Of my linen dresses, it's the one I most want to love but feel least comfortable in. Partly this is because it's a Small, not a Small/Medium, and it's just a hair tight across my back. Woven linen doesn't pull the way a knit would, but I can feel the tiny amount of tension there and in the armholes. It's hard to get off --- again, just tight enough without being overtly too tight. I like 3/4 sleeves -- witness my love for my Wool& Fiona dresses --- but these feel a bit restricting. I far prefer my sleeveless linen dresses, or at least find them easier to wear, even in the winter.
But more than that, there's something about the Mama dress that makes me feel, in a way that my other clothes don't, that I am dressing "too young." Now, this is a feeling I don't often have, and I actively resist it when I do have it, because what, my friends, is "too young?" I'd have thought it was wearing itty bitty mini skirts, which maybe it is . . . Actually, I'd have thought it was wearing swirly dresses such as yesterday's Leila dress, but I don't feel the same strange vibe that I feel with the Mama dress. Maybe it's that the Mama dress is a little more self-consciously cottagecore? A little too young-tradwife? I really don't know. The whole design was meant for pregnancy and postpartum, and while I like my mother loose-waisted dresses, there's something about this one that makes me feel . . . out of sync somehow.
Again, I don't go out of my way to dress my age. I don't even know what that would look like, other than what I do wear, at my current age. How else am I supposed to look? I don't feel particularly like an aging woman. I don't like the whole "Women Over 50 Should Never Wear" business (chiefly I think: Oh yeah? Hold my beer, idiots.). What I feel like, in myself, is just myself, as I've always been, except maybe (I hope) a little smarter. If I had to describe myself, I'd say I was an "old girl." I would mean this in the sense of the Old Girl in Bleak House, traveling the world indefatigably with her umbrella and her children. She is one of my favorite minor characters in all literature. But I also would mean that even given all this life experience, I don't feel substantially different from the way I felt when I was 10. I think I'm a little happier than I was when I was 10. I'm glad I don't ever have to be 10 again, or 15, or 20. But I don't feel changed, a different person from that girl. I am that girl, just older. So I guess that's my aesthetic? I used to say it was Geriatric Kindergarten, and that's still kinda sorta true --- though I find myself gravitating away from the swing dresses that were part of that fantasy Hanna Andersson look. Not that I don't still like the dress-and-leggings thing. But "Old Girl" is more like how I feel these days, which is maybe a little more amorphous, or a little more defined, I can't decide which.
ANYWAY. Something about this Mama dress is not feeling right, and while I'm not going to list it until I'm sure, I thought I'd try tucking it away for a time. Meanwhile, I've retrieved some skirts out of the outbox --- my Flax A-line skirt, plus one other that I keep meaning to get rid of and then not being able to after all.
Wearing today:
*Secondhand Not Perfect Linen Bay tank in Oatmeal, bought early 2025, first year of wear
*Secondhand New York linen (or blend --- there's no fiber tag) bought . . . when? Early 2023, maybe? Let's say it's in a third year of wear, though it's spent the last few months in the outbox.
*Secondhand Birk Mayaris, year 2
So, I have these linen tanks that I want to wear . . . and yeah, I found myself missing this skirt and thinking that both NPL Tanks --- this Oatmeal and the Dusty Blue --- would look good with it. My resistance to this skirt is located in the fact that I don't wear red much, as in I'm not drawn to it that often. But you know, I do like it, especially this true-red/garnet shade. More than that, I'm drawn to the lovely drape of this particular skirt. It's been my Pentecost skirt for some years running, and I generally wear it on the 4th of July as well, but there is no reason in the world why it couldn't feature more regularly in my outfit rota.
This thought brought to you by my wishing they'd bring back the Wool& Sofia in Garnet --- or that color generally, which I liked in several dress styles but never pulled the trigger on buying. Hm, said I to myself. If I really like that color, should I not wear the clothing item I own that is most like that color?
So here it is. Maybe I was just waiting for this tank to wear with it, I dunno. I can see this being a favorite summer outfit, if I'll just remember to wear it.
This is why I'm holding off for the time being on any more purchases. I did bestow that secondhand Sofia dress on myself in celebration of the end of my Lenten no-buy, but I hope I learned something in that period of self-restraint that will transfer to my normal life.
My other purchases of late have simply been underwear, which I actually needed. Still a HUGE fan of the Branwyn Busty Bra, by the way. I will need to take this one off and rinse it out at some point, but it's still perfectly fresh, just aired out overnight. I've solved the no-pads issue, too, in a natural-fiber way: I have bought a pair of Danish wool nursing pads, designed to fit in the cups of a nursing bra and absorb milk leakage, but also perfectly functional as normal bra pads. They're pure felted wool, quite soft, so I don't mind wearing them inside my bra, against my skin. Like the bra itself, they will last a long time between washes (especially since I'm not in fact nursing and dealing with milk leakage). Ideally I'd have both a second wool bra like this one and a second pair of these pads, but for the time being, I can fall back on my old stock of Allbirds tencel-merino bralettes (the same fabric as the leggings I wear) when I need to wash these items.
All these wool things are very cool and comfortable, too. Wool is breathable, and while it will certainly keep you warm in the winter, it won't make you significantly hot in the summer --- no hotter than polyester and acrylic, anyway. It wicks moisture and doesn't hold body smells. The good thing about a wool bra, especially, is that you can truly get away with having only one, or at most two, so you have one resting and airing while you wear the other. It also dries quickly when washed.
I'm happy as well with the one pair of wool bike-short underwear I have, though again I'd love one more pair, in a lighter shade than black for wearing under lighter colors. So much of my underwear had gotten past being decent to wear that I did need to replace it at a faster rate than one pair every few months, so I went ahead and bought a 4-pack of bamboo bike-short undies, in various colors (black, gray, pink, "nude"). These are fine: very comfortable, very lightweight, very quick-drying when you wash them. The one drawback is that they're quite thin, so they don't feel as smoothing and concealing under my clothes as either my wool pair or my older Huha modal pair do. The Huha pair are the most like shapewear without actually being shapewear, and I like them for that little bit of compression --- but they're also the most frustratingly slow to dry, which is why I'm not getting another pair in that brand.
But all of this is a decent "underneath" wardrobe. I still have a bunch of pairs of plain white cotton Hanes briefs, and I wear them under outfits like this, where there's no chance of a panty line. But in general I prefer the no-line appearance of bike shorts and find that this makes a huge difference under many dresses and skirts, even if there's no compression involved. I'm not very picky about "foundations," as my grandmothers used to say, but what you wear underneath does make a difference in how your clothes fit, even if you're not interested --- as I am not --- in having your undergarments sculpt your body in any particular way. My primary goal is comfort, not shapeliness. But within that crucial set of parameters, I still have room to figure out how to look my best in my clothes (given that my "best" is never EVER going to involve a push-up bra).
I'm also happy that finally, for the first time in years, my hair is long enough and un-layered enough to wear in a braid. It's nice to have alternatives to the claw-clip updo (though I do like that a lot, especially in hot weather). I used a little spray gel to smooth my hair down so that my braid (I hope) will stay pretty sleek and tidy, with no bits poking out. A braid is a good protective style: you can braid your hair with some conditioner for a deep-conditioning treatment, and even if you don't, it's a good low-stress way to manage your hair when you don't want to do anything else with it. Braids are good for sleeping as well, to keep hair from tangling. I don't really like French braids that go all the way up the head, just a nice low simple braid that keeps my hair out of my way all day.
My stomach, like Dora's, is starting to feel better. I think these enzymes are beginning to help (the brand is "Elevenzyme," and I'd read a number of comparative reviews before purchasing them).
Still round-robin-reading all my books --- I need to pick The Eagle and the Hart back up, because it's so good. I just read a little, put it down to digest, and then a lot of time goes by before I pick it up again. I am finding myself quite drawn into Jonathan Geltner's novel, Absolute Music --- I admit to having been a little annoyed by it at first (Jonathan in real life is one of those polymaths who make you think, No one person can know that much about that many things --- he's like a box of intellectual human Turkish Delight), but now that it's gotten some ideas and homage to everything the author has ever read out of the way, it's settling down into an actual story. At the same time, some of the ideas have given me insight into something I'm trying to write and what could be at stake in that story, so even in my (mild) annoyance, I'm indebted to the novel for that element of its conversation.
I am so enjoying drifting about in my flowy skirt and tank. See how quickly I default to non-intellectual things? But this is my chief experience of the moment. I care how my clothes feel, and how I feel in them. When I get up from writing this diary installment, I will feel freer to do my things, because I feel good in my clothes. All day long I can take pleasure in the swish of my skirt around my ankles --- and I hope I remember how much pleasure I'm taking, so that I will repeat it, including in the fall and winter with cardigan and boots. It works; it's all good. I guess I could tuck in my tank to create a better Rule of Thirds proportion, but eh. I like the flare of this tank worn loose, and I think the way it stands out from the line of the skirt makes it not too boxy. I am paying attention to how it all feels (including visually), and I can report that to me, the person wearing the clothes, that it feels just fine.
AFTERNOON UPDATE
I have:
*walked the dog, who does in fact seem much recovered
*washed and hung a load of house laundry: sheets, pillowcases, kitchen linens
*squirted Dr. Bronner's all over my linen tank, so had to rinse it out and hang it to dry, and put on another top
*made the bed
*drafted a good bit of my Robert Herrick essay (now for Monday), and looked over the other poem I have to write on for next week: Robert Browning's "Home-Thoughts, from Abroad," which we'll run on Browning's birthday next Thursday.
*pecked away at some of my own writing, to the tune of almost 800 words, fairly fast
Here Dora and I are enjoying ourselves on the front porch:
As you see, I changed out my linen tank for this secondhand 100% merino tee --- which I really like with this skirt. I was not nuts about it with my Garnet Hill modal-cotton knit maxi skirt, but this linen weave stands up to a knit top better somehow. The chalky graphic design on the tee is bright blue, green, and sort of gray-white (again, it looks like a thin chalk drawing), all of which go fine with the red skirt without being matchy. I had cut out the crew neck, as I've done with a number of other tees, to make the fit more feminine and congenial to my face shape. The merino knit is plenty soft, though it's not as silky as the merino-nylon blend in Wool& fabrics. BUT I like it a lot. Like so many other tops I own (not that I really own that many tops at all, now that I think of it), this one will be a great warm base layer in winter, but a cool single layer on its own in the summer.
I need to think about a travel capsule for this weekend:
*2 plane flights
*Dinner Friday night
*Dinner + play Saturday night
*Mass at some point
At least it won't be 14 degrees Farenheit on this Texas jaunt. I can pack and travel pretty light, with just a layer for the plane and air-conditioned indoor spaces.
LATER STILL
Have worked more on my Herrick essay and boiled some chicken thighs, so that I can give Dora a little very plain meat, to help her transition back to normal food. It's breezy and nice out, with massing clouds that fortunately have not yet dropped any rain. I need to go out in a minute to check the laundry on the line, and then maybe crate Dora with a chicken snack. She seems to feel fine, but is probably languishing a little at this point, after so much liquid diet.
Onward, toward evening.
AFTER DINNER UPDATE
Having some travel-capsule thoughts. Looks as though it's going to be pleasant in Dallas, not too hot, with highs in the mid-70s Farenheit, lows around 60F.
This means that I could take:
*Wool& Teal and/or Marine Blue Fiona (with . . . some cardigan, maybe pink silk or else beige silk)
*Wool& Audrey (with periwinkle Flax tunic --- haven't worn that in a while, and I love the look)
*Birk Mayaris
*Birk Papillio sandals
*Maybe also Crocs
I dunno. Not feeling that inspired. But these dresses are all comfortable and good to travel in, and would be good choices for the temperatures. AND I feel confident in them. I have two more weekends in Dallas to dress for, so I can save other dresses for those times. It's not at all as though I have to wear everything I own this weekend, to see and be seen.
We shall see . . .