I've got to remember to go sit by the Christmas tree in the dark. Fortunately we have a week to go, but in recent years I've really let the time slide by, then take down the 12-days' decor with mingled relief and regret --- relief, because I like the clean new light of January, and regret because the season is over, and I haven't loved it enough while I had it.
Today: rain and storms. We're in the midst of a severe thunderstorm warning, but I hope the storm will hold off long enough for me to go to Mass. Everyone else here is sick. Nothing like standing on the side of the road for nine hours, waiting for a tow truck, to solidify your garden-variety cold into something worse. For the moment, I am okay, and I hope to stay that way. Been pounding the elderberry/zinc gummies as well as my regular vitamins to try and hold the ol' immune system together.
So I'm going to Mass, and the husband and Artgirl (and maybe the Viking, too) are going to Urgent Care to see if they can't wrangle some antibiotics.
It is nice to have my study back after its 5-day run as a guest room. It makes a good guest room --- the girls who shared it said the bed was very comfortable --- and for that I'm grateful. We're not yet at the point where our own kids are all paired off and need double beds, but that day is coming (I hope), and it's good to have the room and the appropriate bed for a couple. BUT in the meantime, it's nice to sit here again in the quiet, with my comfortable daybed, my comfortable chairs, my nice generous-sized coffee table to hold things . . .
I would sort of like to procure a rug for this room --- maybe a round rag rug. I just received a rather generous check for my work as an MFA thesis advisor (so generous that I emailed the program director to ask whether there was some mistake), and I might consider splashing out to finish off this room. We shall see.
I did splash out, in fact, on the Wool& Sierra dress that I'd said I was going to buy: the new Iris Blue color. It won't come until after New Year's, so I'm counting it as one of my two new purchases for 2025. It is not something I strictly need --- friends, I have a lot of dresses. But as much as I reach for the secondhand Sierra I bought last month, I thought I'd do this. My old Camellia dress is really past much wearing at this stage, and I did think I could use another sturdy short hiking dress, if nothing else.
I bought an XS this time, just to see how I liked the size --- my new-to-me Sierra is a Small, but I know how much give that fabric has, and I wanted one dress that was even shorter, for hiking purposes, mostly. I can also wear it as a tunic over my long floral rayon skirt --- and of course for everyday I don't mind wearing a a short dress with tights or leggings in cold weather, or just as it comes in the summer. I don't wear shorts, but I will wear a short dress in the heat. I also think that the slightly closer fit of an XS could potentially be good. My old now-sold regular-length Willow dress was short, but also kind of billowy and voluminous. I think that as activewear, a shorter more close-fitting (but still not bodycon) dress will be useful to me. And I've been in love with that color since it was first introduced --- been waiting for it to appear in a dress design I really want.
So that's on its way, due to arrive by Friday. Again, I'm counting it as one of two new-clothes purchases for 2025. I think I've given myself ten secondhand purchases --- because I couldn't resist making some kind of rule to break later --- and that seems quite generous to me now, especially as I truly do have enough. My rotation isn't all that regular, but at this point I have dresses I wear once every six weeks, and I don't think I want the rotation to be longer than that. It's good in a way, because it means that they last longer in better condition, and I will eventually get to a hundred wears per dress, not that I'm counting all that closely.
I like and feel good in every dress I own, which was really my goal. There's very little in my closet that I don't regularly wear, even if "regularly" means longer intervals. I can go some weeks right now without wearing a button shirt, but then I do want to wear them, and it's good that they're there. There are sweaters I wear less often, but again, sometimes those sweaters are exactly what I want and need, and it's good to be able to put my hand on them. As much as you depend on your A-Team clothes --- the favorites, the most versatile, the things you reach for all the time --- I do think that every closet needs a B-Team as well. You need items that change up the A-Team outfits on an as-needed basis. No, I don't wear my green corduroy blazer anything like all the time, but when I need a blazer --- and sometimes I truly do --- there it is.
Wearing today:
*Secondhand Not Perfect Linen Leila dress (S/M) in Cinnamon Rose, bought December 2023. Last worn Christmas Day. Total wears this year to date: 23
*Secondhand cashmere cardigan with crystals, bought September 2024
*Snag merino tights in Sand Dollar, bought summer 2024, first season of wear.
*Secondhand Keens Baby Bern boots, bought December 2024, third (?) wear.
Tall leather boots are a good choice on a wet day. It's not that cold --- warm air=storm systems, and vice versa --- but it is rainy, and I'm glad to be able to keep my feet dry and comfortable.
Meanwhile, I love this dress. I bought her almost exactly a year ago (though I didn't wear her regularly until I'd had the shoulders taken up), and my goodness, she has been a favorite through the seasons. This bolero-style cardigan is the perfect layer, covering my shoulders but letting the fit-and-flare shape really shine.
I should plan to wear my Chocolate Brown dress in this same style this week, if the weather continues not too cold. Tomorrow and Tuesday will be warmish again, with temperatures dropping on Wednesday, so I guess if I want to wear that dress, I know when I should plan for it.
And now it's time to walk the dog.
AFTERNOON UPDATE:
Back from a really lovely Mass, where I saw my beloved Brother Ambrose, down from the Benedictine community in Richmond. Everyone else went to Urgent Care, as they needed to. We've had bacon and eggs for lunch and now are lazing about while the weather continues wet outside.
I think I'll take these few minutes to sketch myself an outfit plan for the week --- haven't done that with any regularity for some time, and I do find it helpful. So . . .
*NPL Chocolate Brown Leila dress with red cotton cardigan, Snag tights in either Sand Dollar or Hot Chocolate, Keens boots (this would be good for tomorrow or Tuesday, when the temperatures are supposed to be mild)
*Wool& Beetroot Brooklyn dress with Garnet Hill maxi skirt, pink merino cardigan, tights in some color or other (won't matter much because they won't really show), Tari boots.
*NPL Dark Gray-Blue Smock dress with oatmeal Icebreaker base-layer tee, Eileen Fisher merino cardigan/coat, dark gray Snag tights, brown Mary Janes
*Wool& Marine Blue Fiona dress, teal cashmere cardigan, navy merino tights, Keens boots
*Wool& Black Heather Audrey dress, green wool/mohair-blend pullover sweater, dark-green merino tights, suede Melrose boots
*Wool& Teal Fiona dress, teal cashmere pullover, sapphire merino tights, Melrose OR Keens boots
*Sunday Mass: NPL Emerald Green Smock dress, red cotton cardigan (with star brooch for Epiphany), dark-green merino tights, Keens boots
New Year's Eve (or some night when maybe we'll go out): a repeat of today's outfit, which I think is going to be my go-to dressy/festive/party ensemble of this winter.
Depending on when my new Sierra dress shows up, I will undoubtedly cycle it into this week (unless an XS really does not fit me, but I think it will --- it's not actually that much smaller than a S). The timing should be good, with the dress arriving in conjunction with colder temperatures. I really look forward to having another sweatery dress to layer. I had thought fleetingly about ordering an Eliza instead, but I know there would be a good six months out of the year when I wouldn't wear a dress that warm, which makes it honestly not worth the money. If I am going to pay those prices (and obviously I do pay those prices), then I am going to get a solid twelve-months' wear out of a dress for (one hopes) many years.
I have learned that part of my expectation of years of wear depends on 1) not dyeing a dress (much as I do like to dye things), and 2) not wearing it continuously. Part of me is tempted to do a 30-day challenge, because I didn't do one this year at all, but . . . nah. I really don't want to wear one dress that continually, for all kinds of reasons, but mostly because I have seen how much stress that imposes on a piece of clothing. I want my clothes to last, and part of making them last is not rushing to get in 100 wears (or 30). I do want to reach the 100-wears milestone, with each article of clothes I own, but I do not need that to happen overnight. I just need to keep things long enough and wear them steadily, if not relentlessly.
I also don't want to be railroaded into buying another Wool& dress, just because I've got a credit. I don't need another. I don't anticipate needing any dresses, though I've left myself leeway to buy an Easter dress if I really want to. For several years now I have wanted a lovely floral dress, and have had my eye on Christy Dawn, but ONLY if I can find something I truly like in the $100 range. I would like that classic "Dawn" dress in some beautiful blue-based floral, but I'm not paying $200 or more for the privilege of wearing it, sorry. So that's a huge we'll see.
And it's truly a want, not a need --- and not even an urgent want. I can wait as long as it takes for that particular want. I have enough dresses to wear in a long rotation, so that no one dress gets worn out too quickly, and I have dresses that I can wear in any season, with enough accessories that I don't get bored. One nice thing about observing penitential seasons by wearing purple is that many items don't get worn for some weeks, and then I rediscover them as if they were new.
I might succumb to the temptation of another secondhand NPL dress --- I'd really love something in Cornflower Blue. My 10-secondhand-item rule would allow for that. BUT I could, and quite possibly will, very happily wear this Leila dress again for Easter. I don't see its ever feeling old or tired, until it actually does wear out, which won't be for quite some years. Whenever I put it on, summer or winter, I feel beautiful --- yet with enough coverage that I can wear it in church without hesitation. I did feel a bit blingy this morning in my sparkling cardigan, but my dress was perfectly modest, thanks. Modest, yet I'd also wear it out for a date and feel . . . not modest . . . in the presence of my husband, if you know what I mean.
So, as I look forward to the new year, I've given myself generous leeway, to see whether I can't get through a year without breaking a self-imposed rule and then rationalizing it (though I truly never regret these outbreaks), but I also know, with gratitude, that I have plenty. It's taken me some years to pull together a cold-weather wardrobe that really works, without having a whole separate set of winter dresses. But at this point, I really feel that I've gotten there, so that I can make warm outfits with my same set of dresses and not look weird.
Yes, I sometimes still make schlumpy cold-weather outfits. Sometimes I'm still kind of working out what things do well together. I do still have more miss outfits in the winter than I do in the summer, when all I have to do is put on a dress and step into some sandals. BUT with the addition of these Keens boots especially, I feel as though I've really arrived at a place I like. The line that these boots make with this dress, for example, feels right where my Tari boots didn't, quite. The brown is perfect with this dreamy pink, as the graphite gray of my Melrose boots was not. This one addition makes it easy to create outfits I feel completely good in --- and when I feel confident, it's easier to reach out to other people, forgetting myself.
Reading about St. Catherine of Siena makes me feel, uncomfortably, that I'm not very ascetical. I mean, I knew this. It's hard not to feel, reading Undset on Catherine, that perhaps I am too worldly --- and maybe I am. But I have learned something about what enables me to give of myself to other people, and self-punishment ain't it. As a corollary, my vocation has been marriage, not vowed virginity, and there are things that go with that --- cares and distractions, maybe, as St. Paul of course points out, but also graces. I don't think that this vocation is a lesser way.
I don't see how there can be a lesser way of holiness, unless you take your life circumstances with something of a grudge, and a lack of gratitude and humility. You have to wear those circumstances lightly, whether you wear a religious habit or, say, a Not Perfect Linen Leila dress in Cinnamon Rose, that makes you want to twirl around like a little girl in her first party dress. You have to be prepared, in your heart, for it all to burn down tomorrow --- but for you to be ultimately okay regardless, because your identity is in Christ, not in circumstances. Still, it seems stingy not to delight in your circumstances while you have them, as the gift that they are. The giver would like to take pleasure in your delight.
I don't claim any great personal sanctity for thinking these things. But if there's something I can give to God (who needs nothing anyway), it is my pleasure in things as trivial as my clothing, recognizing what a gift it all is. That the color of this dress should exist in the world: pure gift. And I'm grateful for it today.