Dora on the floor-a after a fairly intensive walk this morning. I had slept in my Sierra --- partly because at the end of the evening, I couldn't be bothered to find something else, and partly because it was chilly in the house, and Sierra was warm. Maybe this is not a great groove to get into, but it doesn't not work. Anyway, it meant that I could get up this morning, change out underthings, and although I might not wear Sierra again all day, because come on, on the other hand I AM dressed. I got up, did this quick underneath change, put my feet in my sandals, and out we went with a bag of treats to work on not losing our mind every time we see a squirrel or a cat.
The weather continues gray and cool and soft. I don't not like it. Today I need to continue reading copy edits for the novel, run my eye over the final laser printing of the anthology, write my little introductions for my three Sun poems for next week, and peck away at a poem I'm working on.
As a distraction from everything happening in the world, I continue to obsess about how I'm going to break my no-buy rule. Still fantasizing about a marine-blue Maggie dress. There they are, in stock, right now. Photos of customers wearing that dress (here, for example. or here) have made me envision how it could be something other than a strictly casual t-shirt dress. I like the graceful scoop neck. I'd like to have it fit, lengthwise and otherwise, the way it fits this woman, whose style I really like. She's obviously got my vibe! I wish I could justify some Duck Feet shoes, because they're darling, but I just balk at the price. Still, I think what I'm looking for is:
*little swingy dress in great color, long enough at least to graze my knees
*Mary Janes that make my feet and legs look cute
This is a look that I could dial up or down in terms of dressiness, as the situation demanded. Add a nice cardigan or blazer, and I'm presenting at a conference. Take off the cardigan or blazer, and I'm going for a walk.
I have about decided to forgo my planned hiking-boot upgrade this summer in favor of some nicer shoes that I will really wear. I have been walking and hiking in my Xero Colorado sandals, and if I need stiffer boots, my old Vasques will still do, with thinner socks. The real revelation is that I am a huge fan of Xero shoes. I love the toe box. It's perfect for my bunion. I love the barefoot feel. So although I hadn't really been considering them at all, I've started looking at Xero's hemp Mary Jane shoe, the Cassie. It's cheaper than a lot of other options I had been considering --- certainly a lot cheaper than anything from Duck Feet. It's not leather, but that's okay. The idea of a natural plant fiber is very appealing, actually. Though I've been dithering a bit over the color, I think I'd love a pair of red Mary Janes. I don't wear a lot of red, but a pop of it on my feet would be really fun, I think: with a blue dress, but with a lot of other colors as well. I could see my Sierra and red shoes as a uniform. The other color I've been drawn to is blue, but I do have teal Croc Mary Janes, which I'd also absolutely wear in a lot of situations. In fact, those would also be fun with a marine-blue dress, but I'd opt for red for extra confidence when I need to feel like a million bucks in public.
I used to have some red closed-toe ankle-strap Clarks sandals, back in the day in England when I was pregnant and needed a lift --- they were very much like Duck Feet in style, in fact, and I really miss them. The little ankle straps would come off, and one did and got lost, so that was that for that pair of shoes, but I wish I had them back. Of course, twenty years later, they don't still make them, or anything like them. Alas, alas for the red shoes! Anyway, remembering how much I enjoyed those red shoes makes me think that that's what I'd like as part of my conference outfit, as well as generally. If I like them, I might get a second pair in the fall --- possibly black, which again is a color I don't tend to wear, but black shoes can provide a good frame for some outfits. Purple is tempting, but I already have purple Oswegos, and I don't see how two pairs of purple shoes would get me very far. Xero also makes some nice leather flats, but they're pricier, and I really already have leather shoes in the form of my Birk Madeiras, as well as boots that get far more wear in the winter than shoes do.
Anyway, thinking ahead a lot, laying plans. It all feels very trivial, but my mind really needs something soothing to focus on. Clothes are soothing.
It's soothing, too, to consider what I already have to wear. Looking over my wardrobe tracker, I'm noting items I haven't worn much, if at all, since the start of the year.
*my old teal TravelSmith dress, rescued multiple times from the outbox, because I love its shape and flow and length (I'd adore for Wool& to make a real A-line midi dress like this). I don't love the synthetic fabric, but my Camellia works really well as a shift/underdress with this dress, and puts wool next to my skin. Here's how I wore it sometime last fall, during my 100-day challenge. I might do that today, with the same cardigan, which I've been wearing for days on end anyway, plus my Xero sandals for walking since it's still so wet out.
*numerous blouses and shirts. I really need to cycle these in, if only to justify owning them! Some of my favorites are white --- I have a very soft lace-yoke 3/4-sleeve Gap blouse, thrifted last year or the year before, that I love but don't wear that much, mostly because I'm afraid of ruining it. It's also kind of see-through, but works well tied over a sleeveless dress, for example. I really should cycle it into my Sunday rotation, if nothing else, to wear over the TravelSmith dress.
*jeans, but then I don't expect to want to wear jeans that often. I'm glad I have them, but I'm happy to let them wait for me to feel like them. Still, as cool as it is today, my royal-blue Gloria Vanderbilt jeans might be a decent option, should I decide actually to take off this Sierra. I'm also considering how cute a pair of round-toed red Mary Janes would look with these jeans.
*skirts --- I'm actually surprised that I haven't worn my skirts more than I have, but then again, I find more and more that I'd far rather style a dress (or jumpsuit -- any 1-piece thing) OR leave it as is, than coordinate tops and bottoms. I had thought I'd be wearing more wool tees + skirts in the warmer weather, but it is seeming to me that the real place for the wool tees is as thermal layers in colder weather. This could change, but it hasn't changed much yet.
Meanwhile, my husband has just proposed that he and I toddle out to the neighborhood brew pub tonight and hit whatever the food truck is. After our little dinner party last night --- which was really a good time --- this idea appeals to me greatly. It also provides some helpful focus for deciding what to wear today, since I want to put on something that will serve me during the day, then transition to date night without my having to change.
So what'll it be? Dress? Royal-blue jeans? Or????
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Unsurprisingly,
I guess,
I said yes
to the dress.
Really, I said yes to flow and skim and not restrictive. I've been a little discouraged about my weight gain lately, and today, stepping on the scale, was no exception. For the last year, at least, I've been up a tens digit, and now I'm approaching the next tens digit in the upward direction, and that's a bummer.
Consolations:
*I don't feel bad. At my heaviest, about eight or nine years ago, I really felt unable to run at all. I had plantar fasciitis. I felt weighed down by my own body. This was at about 170 pounds, which really is too much for my 5'4 frame. I'm closer to that now than I wish I were, but I don't feel the way I felt then.
*I am active. I've been walking Dora multiple times a day, for starters. One good thing about not being able to let her loose in the backyard is that I'll have to continue walking this much. As long as I can be as active as I want to be, and especially as long as I can hike with reasonable stamina and endurance, I'm not going to worry that much. It helps to focus on what my body can do, rather than on what it looks like.
*Yes, I wish my stomach were flatter and my waist more evident. On the other hand, a little fat under the skin is good for the aging face.
Anyway, I'm not thrilled, but it could be worse. Meanwhile, I'm certainly a lot happier to wear body-skimming dresses than anything else, and glad to have a reasonably substantial wardrobe of body-skimming dresses.
What also decided me on this outfit was that I could just pull off my Sierra and hang her up to air, and pop all this on without having to take off my shoes. As you can see, I'm wearing Camellia as a thermal, breathable wool underdress beneath my teal TravelSmith dress, with my thrifted emerald-green J.Crew cotton cardigan and my Xero Colorados. The dark shoe provides kind of a nice frame. I like that each element of my outfit is a different color, though I have layered blue on blue --- that they harmonize, rather than matching.
Hair up in a messy bun, because I'd like to try to get at least another day out of my last wash before washing it again.
Thus attired, I can do my work, walk my dog, and then go out for beer which I probably don't need and food-truck food which I also probably don't need, but if this means I don't have to cook, then let it be.